Forgiving is hard, forgetting harder.
I’m on the verge of forgiving one person in my life. That night made it kinda easier. We decided to have a drink. My first and her 11th(I mean she drinks rarely! I don’t know the number of times she drank).
STATUTORY WARNING: Drinking is injurious to health, so is talking, speaking, answering, discussing and everything.
6’o clock on that fine evening. We both decided to sleep over at our friend’s places after it. Yes! We are grown-ups and we can’t explain it to our homes. We are cheating on ourselves by cheating our parents. We know!
Judge us through all the ways you want for just the one reason that she asked me to drink. But if it reaches her ears, that is when your trouble starts.
It’s Mr.Jack Daniel’s turn to speak up. One gulp, quarter cup. Felt like someone set my oesophagus on fire. Drinkers all over the world! Why do you guys want to burn your food pipe!
“Don’t make me call an ambulance now!” she looked at me.
“It’s! It’s nothing” I tried to be casual.
“Why do you look like you’re going to kill yourselves then?” she laughed.
I heard that. But a headache started. I was trying to balance it out. Man! I was indeed doing it like a pro! One tip and I’m skipping on to what happened after the 5th round. If you are getting high when you don’t want to, just try to think something really different from anything running on your mind. It helped!
“I love you, Barath” she said.
“Eh!” that came out of nowhere.
“It won’t be romantic when I tell that again” she dragged.
“You know what! I am steadier than you!” I told a little loud.
“OK! Your first lesson of Alcoholics! Don’t think women can’t stand high like boys. In reality, women don’t get high like those heroines on-screen. That is bullshit! I meant what I said. In fact, I have told you that a number of times” she said.
The high wore down a little after those words. I could remember most parts of what happened that evening.
“Where do I start? Is it just an approval through words you want? Words are bitches sometimes! I write and I am still telling this” I started.
“There is never this, no strings attached feeling with words. We are accountable. I just have this tiny feeling of fear. I don’t wanna lie to you about it. In fact, you are the one person I totally do not wanna lie about” took another sip.
“Clearly I don’t want to go the past. But I don’t have a present. I don’t know if.. if I can give this my all. I’m in this phase where every goal I walk turns out to be a mirage. I need you. I need you now. I’ll need you always. I am just this far from the Suicidal Thoughts.You know what gets me going YOU”
“I don’t know if I am high. I don’t know how you define it. But alcohol gave me some serious confidence today” I think I said it all.
“This gives me some responsibilities. So I’m not going to let you drink a lot from today. You did speak so much and that matters to me. It’s just this freedom I have when I am with you that makes this so special for me. I don’t have that freedom even when I am alone. Wait! I don’t know if you are going to remember this evening properly!” she smiled while she said that.
“If I won’t rem..remember don’t tell any more important things. Already my memory power is damn poor” I stammered through.
“Barath! You are really in a good kinda high. You never accepted about this memory thing. Never before” she laughed at me.
“I think you got these words out. Not even Mr.Jack here. I’m down and normal. But this left side is less functional” I demonstrated.
She laughed again. You did not note that I told her I love her. She understood that. There is this one thing about humans. They keep you happy or teach you lessons! She was doing both and as I told in the very beginning, I am forgiving someone and Fuck! I am not drinking again! For sometime atleast!!
It’s time for the HOME RUN!
– just barath (c)
Maybe the last- Write side of the heart