Unnamed avenues

Take a minute off of whatever you are doing and look back. Look back at everything you left behind. If everything that you carry on your back is hiding your vision and disquieting, in both positive and negative ways, then this writing is just for you. Lend all your senses to this rant.

I am just a traveller. I travel from one heart to another. I do not stay anywhere and I know with more effort, a little luck.. I might find a heart that comes close to giving me a feeling of ‘home‘. There I would stay. I could have missed it or I could be missing it right now. Leave that to me. I am a walker, never a runner. When I am inside your heart, there’s a possibility of me either walking slowly to stay a little longer or me strolling around unnamed avenues and wondering about the mystery that you are.

“The unnamed avenues of the heart are the places where people fall in love and fall in hurt, in no particular order. The unnamed avenues are the roads that your parents asked you to stay away from when you were a kid. They are the crimson boulevards that look beautiful during the autumn to everyone and during the winters only to a few who are okay with nurturing it when it has no leaves. They are the rues that smell of champagne and whiskey. You know who begins with the champagne and who ends up with a whiskey. They are the roads that have broken window panes. Window panes broken because of the crumpled papers thrown at them Not a stone, not a fist, a crumpled paper with an unfinished rant. Don’t tell me you were lucky to find the crumpled papers that belonged to a duffer!”

Do you think I can find a way through all these? Have I been a good guide? Let me know. Because it is with this blind hope against hope I am inside you now. Trying to walk through! I am not listening to your directions, I am listening to your songs. I am not waiting for your promises, I am waiting for your stories that are going to keep me awake.  Why do I want to be awake? Because I am not time-bound inside your heart. There’s no night and day. It’s thought-bound. I exist when you think about me and die when you don’t. And that’s one more reason a traveller like me believes that death is never the end and a million stabs can wound you but, never ground you.

I would like to make a toast to all the people, who might not be reading this now.

“All the ways I took lead me out of your heart. Do you still think I was lost? And does that qualify as a reason for everything?

…”

Thanks for lending me your senses, fellow travellers!
Auf Wiedersehen.
(Signed)
just barath.

Advertisements

Shooting Stars

What did the shooting stars do to deserve a moment of glitz

in the Infinity of time and sky?

A moment nothing more than

A spectator sport.

A crowded theatre.

A symphony short of the conductor.

 

Was it because of the burns that make it beautiful to the by-stander so far away?

Was it the friction?

Or was it the never ending falling out of love it symbolized?

 

I couldn’t really write or tell.

 

Even after being such shooting stars in the past,

Sharing the same core with her.

After all the burns that left me with only love and little common sense.

After all the black holes we believed we surpassed.

After all the scars,

A numbness for all but the pain of longing

A burn that is giving me a crushing pain that I’ll get used to.

 

A burn that will glow for the world,

Make no noise,

Meddle with sanity.

 

For it is

A spectator sport.

A crowded theatre.

A two-piece symphony short of the conductor.

Read in Nawazuddin’s voice for better results!

30 days. 2167 KM away from the place that was my home. This is crazy. Ok! Are you reading it in Nawazuddin’s voice or not? Do it. And you’ll have fun.

Delhi, I mean Noida, the region I stay now is confused. I am not going to start comparing it with Chennai, through each sentence of this work and go nuts. The places are different, the people who make these places what it is now are different. So, comparing is the dumbest thing I can possibly do. I am no one to comment blatantly on everything about a place unless I am a telephone directory or the UPI Number that got saved on my mobile automatically. I have met a fair share of good people here. We’ll talk about them later in this post. Back to Chennai.

Packing my bags from Chennai I was sure about few things. The first, I would not miss my home. I don’t miss my home.  The second being adulting would be fun. No! It’s not. Third being, I would not miss Chennai’s food. FML, I miss Chennai food and home food. It’s been 25 days since I had sambhar and I seriously forgot the last time I had rasam. Was sure about not missing home food, because of this saying that goes this way, “Cupcakes don’t taste the same everywhere, and blah, blah” Considering Idlis, “They definitely don’t taste the same everywhere. The best ones are served in my home, my grandma’s home and Ratna Cafe”. And Noida definitely needs to up it’s game when it comes to food to welcome more people into it and to fill all the thousands of empty apartments it has constructed under the banner of “Space Crunch”. Noida!! You don’t have crunch in space and in your snacks too. Sorry!

Sorry I got deviated from the Narration VoiceOver. Resumes.

“Have you ever looked back in time and realised it fleeting past by so quickly every single time? The last month was the exact opposite to me. I still feel the snag that last month was. Specifically because of the places I shifted too. I stayed for 7 days at a place, 1 hour in the next, was fucking homeless for 7 hours and settled in the place that I am typing this after it. Oh! This place I am staying now, has good music(Something to die for in Barath terms) and we also have a great view of the smog.

It has been a crazy ride, way past the few expectations I had. As I told in my previous post I did not enter Noida with this Utopic feeling, I just wanted the place to be decent and the racial slurs to be creative, which is party happening. Ahem! I mean partly happening.

From Amma calling and enquiring if everything is fine in Noida on the death of M. Karunanidhi and dad asking if everything was fine on the death of Mr.Vajpayee, to listening to my nephew’s smile on phone, this has definitely been a good month. Don’t expect me to talk about work! The first rule of working somewhere is you do not blog about work. You just talk about listening to ’96 songs on loop, getting good song suggestions, trying to understand Malayalam(again after college!), visiting Hauz Khas, having the best tour guide, planning on getting sick for Diwali, the bad jokes, the entering stock market, the getting busy, the whining, and the freshers party and every Sunday which is my “International Day of Washing Clothes.”

There’s just one thing I would like to tell anyone who is nearing their Quarter-Life Crisis. Not an Advice! Just telling.. This would be better to read in Nawazuddin’s voice. You can never see life in it’s rawest energy until you stand alone. And when you see life in its rawest energy, you will be scared. You are the protagonist, but this is not movie or a book. So, you will be. When you grow through it all. You would feel the sense of being alive everyday running through your spine, sending in the chills.

P.s.- 10 years down the line remind me to post the other side of this story that I might have ready with me. That would be even interesting and brutal.

First month in Noida- Done and dusted!!

Editing 3 days after publishing this post-  I MISS HOME!

Adventures of the Lazy Nose

Some homes smell of coriander, some have the smell of sewage, incense sticks, cakes and some have the smell of the alien inside their refrigerators. Every home you visit have a smell. You can easily figure out the simple mixes. But, yeah there are places that you can’t figure out this.

Did any of you try figuring out the smell inhabiting your place reading the previous passage? Don’t do it if you have been in this said place for a long time. It would be hard to figure out. Because, your noses would feel natural about the smell and does not take the extra effort. Lazy sensory organs!

I live in a sheeted house on the second floor of a cluster of houses. It very easily becomes a baking furnace in summers(minus the smell of cakes that fill the walls of a baking furnace). I would get roasted every afternoon. Sometimes I feel that my weight does not increase because of my home’s average temperature, after I read articles that stated, F1 drivers lose 3 kilos of their body weight after they complete a race, due to the temperature in their cock-pits(I am no good in science)

But, why am I ranting this now. Because, it’s raining and I am predicting my future, especially the Thursday of next week. And I will be moving out of this place that had been my home for 20 odd years. I am joining a firm in Noida, which is close to our national capital, New Delhi.

Straight out of college, confused, lost, depressed, nervous, I certainly know that I cannot ask for a better place to be than ‘the discomfort zone’. My family is ok with me staying home, finding a job close to home and not have the need to go away. But, I had to shift, be alone, face the troubles of bachelor life, miss home-cooked food, figure out shit, cry alone, live by jugaad and wander.

So, people reading this from any place other than India, just know that it’s not very Indian for person out of college to move out of his home for work. Most parents do not want that happening unless and until their son’s paycheck is heavy and the place is comfortable like home(duh). Daughters on the other hand mostly do not have this choice. If that’s not the case with you I am truly happy for you!

Everyone who has spoken to me about Noida, has not attached any positive connotation to it(which is really good). I myself do not have this utopic feeling towards it. I’ll be happy if the place is decent and the racial slurs are creative.

Let me just drop few lines from ‘The one who goes away‘-

image

Coming back to the concept, I just hope my new home smells good and my nose gets used to it. And also the fact that it has to be ready to recognize changes in this often. Because by the same time, next week I’ll be there. The music will remain, my reading glasses will remain, my phone will remain but, connected to a power bank. I know for sure, everything else will be new and I will feel like a lost child or to be more precise a Nadaan Parinde!

See you soon delhi!

13 Reasons Why- A Sticky Note

 

219646971_5427346232001_5427336980001-th

So, why did I decide to write about the one series that has got so much hatred on grounds of being so harmful to youngsters in depression watching it?

Because, I could walk past it. It took me few weeks to come out of it. But, it was worth it. I am not going to try and blatantly praise this series. Infact I feel,

most of the people who try, understand and watch “13 Reasons Why” do not defend it.

There are lots of posts online that bash ’13 Reasons Why’ for its take on Teen Suicide and not meeting the guidelines that psychiatrists suggest to set it on. But, the comments go a little further making 13 RW look like a trivial series, which is not true. There are some parts of our life, that are dark and steep, scaring us all the time. The scariest part is the distance that the darkness might make us walk because we don’t really know the way around. And, trust me you wouldn’t want to get lost in that darkness. And I am not asking people to embrace the darkness, I’m telling that if you cross paths with that darkness and you could manage, someday you can be the good listener in someone’s life. 13 Reasons can help you with that. It will make you understand that the small things in life matter and some big things do not PROVIDED YOU WATCH IT WITH THE RIGHT MINDSET. This is a story that can happen and I feel we should stop it from happening, watching 13 Reasons Why might not cause it. Not understanding, not trying to connect with people in a way that matters, unfortunately, be one of the reasons causing it.

13 Reasons Why Season One was over. The book doesn’t go beyond the point of Clay sending it over to Sheri. The Series took it further and knew it would test the way things roll, leaving few open ends in the last episode. Et Voila! It worked out and we get Season-2 which is trying to drag the essence of the Former Season and ride on the success. This is just not good, man! (And when I’m writing this I’m on Episode 6. Hope it changes).

Post the release of the second, I was talking to a friend who was halfway through it. Soon, the friend of mine asked me not to watch it if I’m depressed or something. That’s again a 13 Reasons why thing.

People do not recommend it,

Youtube Ads do, like all the time. I remember telling the same thing to my friend when I was done watching Season-1. I told them it should not be watched when we are not in a good spot. When I watched Season-1 I was not in any depression. I only knew it was Teen Series and it had a pattern. I did not know about the book too. Then, I heard Hannah’s voices everytime I wore my headphones for weeks. Still, this will always be close to my heart, for being the pain it was. I wouldn’t tell it “It felt totally real, like out there” But it could be! I could just cross all the episodes barely and feel bad, that led to a positive catharsis. My hands trembled when I had to watch the Scene where Hannah does it. And see I even feel different trying to put that word out there!

13RW is more than the relationship between Clay and Hannah, it’s about the 13 people and the whole world. This started a conversation. Why do you not want to talk about things and just worry about it all along. These things can happen. The world is not all unicorns and philanthropy. Depression is real and Self-Harm is so dangerous that you do not know what would lead to it. This could be one of the reasons why 13 RW is needed.

 

Avoiding 13 Reason Why is not the answer. But, trying to watch it IN THE RIGHT MINDSET and stopping if it’s disturbing can leave a change in yourself. You could be the person on the tapes, So, watch it, correct yourself and pass the tapes, make sure Bryce pays for what he has done.

And watch this now please- Justin Prentice (Bryce)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVGMhze-OVI

A long Sticky Note about 13 Reason why

A person who writes #3

For those who don’t know!

‘A person who writes’ is a series that I write when I am crazily angry, sad, tired or in combinations of these. It starts randomly and gets posted without any editing(little editing). This is little too real. And these posts will also help me as indicators of my journey. I laugh going back to the posts in this series all the time

It’s frikkin 3 AM here! Remember the scene in ‘The Social Network’ where the Zuckerburg character types something called a blog after he’s dumped by the Erica Albrecht character?

“Erica Albrecht is such a bitch”

This is something like that. It doesn’t really matter if it ever happened in his life. That’s just a really good film from Fincher! I’m not going to call on anyone. I just mean that, for a better understanding of all my blogs, all you have to do is read these posts. These posts do not get shared with my friends or gets posted on any other Social Media Networks. So, if you are reading this now. You are a really good soul reading it on the WP Reader or coming straight to my blog(You’re so cool).

I am seriously fucked by this thing called the writers block. I am looking for inspiration. But, nothing’s inspiring. Should I just wait for the word to come out or cut open the layers and get it out?  Should I look out for something that’s inspiring or just cry out loud to the Goddess of Wisdom?

After finishing this one poetry series called “Autumn”, life was a very crazy ride and one really high moment got me write this poem called “A white paper needed ink” and after that I could not write any more poetry. I mean ‘whatever I was writing before that’. Then, I thought it was because of the structure and wrote rants. I mean one rant. It was good. But, then that is gone too. I have two really good concepts to write, but getting really stuck somewhere. You, the person reading this line is a really important person, so if you come across this line of a rant that is just there, I would value your suggestion a lot. So, comment it right away! I need to write. It’s a necessity now. These few months ahead of me is going to be setting things up for many years of my journey. The words that I bleed now will fill me up with experience and love(I am not good with medical words).

Also, note that I am going to be self-hosting soon and going for a different theme. But, the canvas is not as important as the painting is one thing I believe in totally. My plans are just big-ass. Butt, it just ends there.

I am too confused to handle this shit and also life is really complicated and slow moving. If you totally understand the confusion in this post, stick around. Because that’s exactly how my mind is now. There are rays of Sunshine now and then, that’s how I am surviving. Hope to get a little clarity among this confusion. I don’t want this to totally clear out and have a dream run suddenly.

And, everytime I leave behind some movie at the end of these posts, this time it is “SING STREET“.

Cheers to an imperfectly beautiful life!

 

The Fallen Angel

Dear you,

You are the fallen angel. The sinner who fell wounded on my paper. And thanks for not acting like you’re the embodiment of innocence.

I know hell would be better than this. By the way, Did you know your sin? Your sin was not being real. Being a shadow of sorts; Being silent; Never reaching people on time; Never being simple. You were too complicated for heaven. They threw you out from that height only because you had wings and you can survive. 

You’re not going to be chained to darkness because, you are the brightest light we’ve ever seen.You are going to be chained to my ink. Your scars will become art on my paper. Your blood will be the spectrum for million colours. I don’t want your blood to fill up oases. Oases mostly become mirages. I just want you to reflect.

I know your wings are heavy and I know that broken wings are the heaviest. Hold my hand and learn to walk. You need to go away very soon. But, find the ink stains you left behind and get back to me if you wish. Just telling..

A day will come when I will not be holding your hand. So pick thyself up soon. Stand with me in my worse. I mean Verse.

For I have a destiny created for you. You will be remembered as the Fallen Angel, the sinner, the art I created. You’ll never be human, you’ll never be one among them, because humans don’t do forevers. You’ll stay in the form you fell down. A word. Not a Satan, not a monster, not a comet, but a Word.

Just when you became mine, your sins have become mine. Don’t Worry! I’m used to those confinements. And we’ll be forever. Fuck the muse, she’s lazier than you. I am not writing to her, until she comes. Okayyy! Don’t give me that look, I’ll write to her only having you around. You’ll be my messenger.

But, if this be the day I celebrate you, should I tend your wounds and let you fly?

Will you take me to your world once and for all, if I let you fly? Because, I am cold and I could use Two Wings for a Blanket. I am crying, I could use the headwinds to wipe it off.

– just Barath©

image

The Sunshine Blogger Award

I have been nominated for The Sunshine Blogger Award.

Thanks for the Nomination Padma Sandhya! I cannot ask for better questions than these.

So, my dear readers do visit her blog and I am sure you’ll fall in love with the way she pens it. Click on this link and go there right away. You can read my post later!

The Soulitary Reaper

First things first, I am breaking few rules of this award. I’ll get back to it in a different format soon.

The award-

image

I asked myself so many questions when I was trying to get answers for these questions. Such good questions man! Note that these answers are coming out spontaneously. Because, if I try thinking a lot about this I would get lost and end up sleeping.

1. Do you have a favourite family memorabilia/heirloom? What is it?

I don’t think we have one. But, if I have to start saving such a thing. It is going to be my Mom’s watch. It’s silver in color and works by keying it. Yes! You don’t need a battery!

And I dont want my Dad’s watch because it’s gold in color.

I also wanted to save the big wooden box thing inside which we lock our Television. But, they took it away.

2. If you could go back in your own timeline, what would the ‘present you’ tell the ‘2008 you?’

In 2008 I was in 5th grade, in a Co-ed school which was STRICT. I had nothing in my life other than subject books. I would tell him this:

You can stop caring so much about school books, exams and shit. Befriend a girl, you need to learn to understand women, even your mom or sister. Befriend someone who will be that casual with you when teaching you this growing up together.

Take up the guitar and start reading books. Delve into my own fictional universe where Sherlock, Luna Lovegood are all there solving crimes.

I want to tell so much to my 2008 self, something that will go long as a blog. 

3. Which book character would you like to run away with?

Scout finch from ‘To kill a mockingbird’ will hold my left hand and Sam from ‘The perks of being a wallflower’ the right.

And, and I know Rahel from ‘The God of Small things’ will find me wherever I go!

Rahel! Are you listening?

4. Do you like your job? What’s your dream job?

Yes! I like my job! I am a Part-time Content Producer at a Media Company. It’s just putting myself to high thinking situations and living on music and espresso.

A dream job! I cannot define it with a term. But let me try. I want to travel, take photos, write, make music, direct films, and do Radio Jockeying.

Writing also includes writing my fictions.

5. Which country would you like to travel to?

The Top Country on my Bucketlist as of now is America, in particular the state which is in a LDR with America, Alaska. Well! Its just for the Northern lights. Once, I am done with that, it’s Sri Lanka. I love the sound of Sinhalese. 

And, the list goes on.

6. What do you look forward to when you wake up each day?

Try and finish my longstanding deadlines atleast on this day. I always have pending work.

I have 109 unfinished blog concepts, 1 short film in pre-production, 2 incomplete scripts and, lets not talk about this, I am becoming sad.

7. If you can meet The Creator, what would you tell him?

I’ll ask him, 

“Have we met before?” 

Trust me just this question can answer million questions.

8. What was your favourite show as a kid? (Why did Cartoon Network have to change…)

Tom and Jerry,Scooby doo, Popeye and there is no end to the cartoon series.

WWE too, I was addicted to it!

9. What is the big announcement about your life that you’d like to give right now?

Okay! I thought of not telling this for sometime.

But, This is one perfect answer to this question.

 

I am moving out of Chennai in 2 months

For those who don’t know Chennai, it’s my hometown. The place I was born in and lived in for 2 decades now. I am Excited and nervous. Only few friends know about it and most of my other friends are not going to be reading the blog. So, no problemo.

10. Given a choice, which villain would you like to be?

Oh! I hate and love villains equally. I fall for them when they tell these indepth dialogues with layers and can do the facial expressions well. 

I would like to be The Joker. He is my ideal person kinda.

11. How was your day?

All these days have been a pain in the ass. As I told earlier, my deadlines are getting the better of me. And I don’t want it to control my life. It get’s to me man. This day was not an exception.

If not for good music, I would most definitely turn into a psycho. 
———-

Well, that’s a wrap to the questionnaire!

Thanks for being such a good interviewer and soooo cool Padma. Keep writing. Lots of love! 

And didn’t I tell you I am breaking some rules? I will come up with something different to interact for this question and nomination part.

So long,

just Barath.

ஒரு பனிப்படிந்த பைனாகுலர்

“ஒரு வருஷம் எப்படி போச்சுன்னே தெரில” என்று சொல்ல வாஞ்சை கொள்கிறது மனம். நிமிட முள்களுக்கு இடையில் இருக்கும் தொலைவை கடப்பதில் வியர்வை வழிய, மூச்சிரைக்க நின்று, நின்று நடந்தது இந்த சட்டைகளை ஈரத்தால் கனமாகி விடுகிறது. ஒவ்வொரு நிமிடமும் ஒரு வருடமாக தான் கடந்துகொண்டிருக்கிறது

 

அப்படி இந்த ஆண்டில் என்ன கிழித்துவிட்டோம் என்று சந்தோச தருணங்களையெல்லாம் எண்ணிப் பார்க்கையில் நான்கு விரல்கள் மீதம் வந்துவிட்டது. இந்த ஒட்டுமொத்த வெறுப்பிற்கும் ஒரு பெரிய வில்லன் தான் காரணம். அவன்/அவள் நான் பார்க்கும் சினிமா’க்களின் வில்லன் அல்ல. நான் பார்க்கும் சினிமாக்களில் பல வில்லன்கள் நான் விரும்பும் மனிதர்கள் என்ற பட்டியலில் அத்தியாவசியமாக விளங்குகின்றனர். என் வில்லனின் பெயரை நான் கூறிவிட்டால் நீங்கள் பர்சனல் கேள்விகள் கேட்க தொடங்கி விடுவீர்கள். நானும் practical-ஆக பதில் கூற வேண்டும் என்ற நிர்பந்தத்தில் பொய்கள் கூறும்படி ஆகிவிடலாம். நான் பொய்கள் கூறுவதில் இருந்து முற்றிலுமாக பின்வாங்க முயற்சித்து கொண்டு தான் இருக்கிறேன் என்றாலும், பொய்களை எழுதமாட்டேன்.

உண்மை நம்பர் ஒன்: உலகின் ஆதிப்பெரிய சோம்பேறி அடியேன் தான்.உண்மையாக எழுதப்படும் ஒவ்வொரு எழுத்தும் உலகின் உச்ச இலக்கியங்களை விட ஒரு படி மேல் என்று என் வில்லன் சில தருணங்களில் கூறி நான் கேட்டதுண்டு.

இரவுகளின் நீளம் விளங்க தொடங்கும்போது, தனிமை தான் முதல் புரிதல் ஆகிறது. தூக்கம் களைந்த நிலையிலும் எரிச்சலுடன் இருக்கும் கண்கள் எதையோ கேட்கிறது. சிரிக்க சில தருணங்கள், மறக்க சில தருணங்கள், பிய்த்தெடுத்த றெக்கைகளுடன் பறக்க சில தருணங்களை கொண்ட ஒரு திண்ணிய நாளை பொழுது! இதை நோக்கி தான் செல்கிறோமா? அர்த்தப்பட வேண்டியது தானே வாழ்க்கை? அது அடுத்த பாகம் என்ன நடக்கும் என்பதை பற்றி மட்டும் நினைக்கும் ஒரு பனிப்படிந்த பைனாகுலர் ஆனதில் ஒரு துளியும் களிப்பு இல்லை.

நிச்சயமாக மரபணு ரீதியாக வருவதில்லை எனது இளநரை என்பது புரிஞ்சாச்சு. மருத்துவர் ஸ்ட்ரெஸ் என்ற பொதுச்சொல்லை குறித்துவிட்டு என் 2017-ஐ மேலும் கனமாக்கிவிட்டார். 20 ஆண்டுகள் பழகிப்போன சென்னை தண்ணீரினால் இப்போது முடி கொட்டுவதும் தொடங்கிடுச்சு. அடி மீது அடி வாங்கி 2017-என்னும் அம்மியில் அரைக்கப்பட்ட, எந்த அளவுக்கு தனிமை விளங்கியதென்றால் நிம்மதியான உறக்கத்தில் இருந்து டாக்டர் சொன்ன ஸ்ட்ரெஸ்-ஐ விட்டு விலகி நிற்பதற்கு பதில் “சொன்ன சொல்லை தவற மாட்டான் இந்த கோட்டைசாமி என்று டயலாக் பேசிக்கொண்டு மேலும் சில காயங்களுடன் 2017-ஐ முடிக்க நினைக்கிறேன்.

சினிமாவை போல, எழுத்துக்களும் என்னை காக்க ஏதாவது முயற்சி எடுக்குமோ என்று அறிந்து கொள்வதில் ஒரு நப்பாசை.
என் எழுத்துக்கள் அர்த்தப்பட தொடங்கும்வரை எழுதிக்கொண்டே இருக்க விருப்பம். முடிவென முற்றுப்புள்ளி இடமால், இந்த தொடரை முடிக்க நான் இடும் அரைப்புள்ளியினால் அந்த பிழையை திருத்தவாவது மீண்டும் எழுத வருவேன் ,

TUESDAY, 26 DECEMBER 2017 அன்னிக்கு நைட் எழுதுனது.

It’s hard to title this one. And I am not being smart!

“Dude! You should try this carrot milkshake” she was excited when she told that.

“Oh! You like this carrot milkshake?” I questioned with a slight thought of ordering it already.

“I don’t like it all!” she told instantly.

“Then why should I?” I asked with a really confused stare.

“I don’t know! If you too don’t like it, then I would know one more person who’d think like me”

“Nah! One Swarna is all that the world can hold” I made it clear.

“That’s the best compliment I have ever received in some time” she told with a hug.

Who’s this person? She is someone who can befriend human beings, trees and me.

Well! You look at the world sometimes and feel it is all chaos and confusion and then you look at her, the only thing that could easily be the prime reason for it eating up all the confusion for the world’s good. I was thinking for a while and remained quiet. Yeah! I always get lost in this shadow world of mine. I was clearly thinking about how not to be awkward with her. And then realized that’s how I roll.

“Do you want to tell me what you were thinking all this time?” she keyed me back to this world.

I tried to utter a word…

“Tell me you don’t want to tell,” she told.

“You’re un-explainable Swarna! I mean why” I asked starting to feel comfortable.

“That’s a good compliment again, Barath” she smiled like a kid.

We were sitting on the stairs of the concert hall. She stood moved a step above me and sat down. I am too tall! Face this fact, my dear world!

“You’re in your final semester right? How are things holding up? Wanna whine about something?” she asked.

And I told, “Totally!” Something that is worse than quarter-life crisis is the scary part where you are expecting it. Once, you’re there you’re going to be ready to face it and if someone voluntarily asks you to whine about it. Oh, wait! No one does that.
I continued, “This was happening the other day. Appa came home late, like 11:00. I was very close to sleeping off and he just asked me. Ok! What are you going to do next” But yeah in a, in a very normal tone? So, I had to tell him…”

“Like sleeping?” she read my mind.

“I thought to tell him the same thing,” I said controlling my smile.

“But you know what he would ask about. I just told him that, I am waiting for an announcement from a particular college and slept off,” I told and looked at her.

“I’m going to give some man-to-man talk now. I know that me telling, I don’t want to make it sound like and advice would not make a difference” she noted.

“Man-to-man, very good way to begin, go ahead” I had to interrupt but I was all smiles.

And I knew at that point my philosopher(She doesn’t really like me calling her that way)  would put me through this Self-Realization Session.

“Shut up! I know for a fact that you think you’re the most confused soul in the world. But you should know that most creative people on this planet think they are confused. So, don’t feel special about that” she gave me that evil stare.

“I just thought I was the greatest of something in this world. You are evil! But, Yay! I am creative… You can continue” I told smiling.

“You are dumb! There is a beautiful cliché that you should accept. A cliché that you are never really the only one. People can be unique only about their skills, talents, their character…”

“Like someone who suggests things she doesn’t like to others and someone who loves clichés” I interrupted again or she might get Nietzche on me.

“Yeah! I know you’re pointing me out. I don’t feel a bit offended. But forget the treat I owe you. Let me finish what I started!  People are not unique about the things they go through in life. They feel that would make them feel special, especially when struggling. Like they have the most troubles and they’re conquering shit. We tend to overrate the struggles part of life. It is hard, no second thought. But, you can actually make it comical..” she told that, THAT in a normal tone.

“Like you?” I continued listening like I always do.

“Yeah like me who is older than you, who has seen things and is asking you not to worry about. I have worried collectively for myself, for you and for everyone else”.

“And try writing. It’s been so long” she stood up letting down a hand for me.

“I am trying and dying trying to write,” I told as I got up holding her hand.

“Now I understand, dying trying to write, such a dumb line.” and the evil stare is back.

“I don’t know what to write about most of the time now” I dragged.

And then she asked in a tone I cannot refuse,
“Write about me …”

P.s- Happy that I Wrote something! This is my first complete conversation kinda.. Any suggestion is welcome! Cheers